co30 forum english
geschrieben von Maks
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Re: co30 forum english 21. August 2023 13:51 |
Hello I just found this site in looking for some community to stop thinking myself as a weird monster 
. I'm 33 years old man, who lived all of his life with lies about my true identity. From really really early years of my life I remember that I everyday before the sleep was dreaming about taking me away from my boys life, and give me normal girls life.( Now when I think about it. It was dreaming about kidnaping me xd. I think I was 7 y.o) before I even think about nylons in sexy way. I loved to steal those from my mom because it wathem when no one's looked. But after my ass being wooped I understand that this is wrong. Since then I tried to live " normal "life as a boy, till teenage In 90'/00 Poland wasn't so tolerant and peaceful country like today. It was post Soviet country. Where agression and drinking problems was normal thing. And if you don't look like everyone sad and grey you could get ass whooping on the street. But then Intermet comes and I found first transsexual model picture in my life I started to have some hope. I had " normal" well acted life I was flirting and dating with girl's. But when I saw some gate to be myself I registered on some gay sites I uploaded pics but this is small Poland Town and back then trans wasn't so popular you was a freak even for gay guys. I was living this double life in scared that someone will notice it till 21 when my brother somehow find out who am I and came drunken to house and I was listening that he tell our neighbors that I'm a fucking tag. So I knew that my life in this place get ended. I moved to my girlfriend at this moment I cuted family bonds after this situation ( because if your brother can do this to you, you can't believe no one) and try to live" normal hetero Polish life" with my girlfriend. But after 10 years fighting with my inner self I just wanted to stop acting my own life. So we break up, after this I start living alone but in the same city. I buyed many clothes and makeup and everything. And I started to feel free, but in the same time lonely and addicted to drugs and alcohol I get depressed, after hearing one time from the street that here lives this transvestite I started to fear changing up in my own house. Ive get paranoic, more and more. Till suicide attempt. After it I knew that I need to change everything. My first choice was other European country , but co worker cheated on me, and I need to move somewhere in Rush, and I ended up here in Vienna living with my mother with no money, and no plans, no nothing. And After working and living here half year I think that i want to encourage myself to do some more first steps in my transformation. I'm sorry if it's too long but I needed to tell this somebody.
. I'm 33 years old man, who lived all of his life with lies about my true identity. From really really early years of my life I remember that I everyday before the sleep was dreaming about taking me away from my boys life, and give me normal girls life.( Now when I think about it. It was dreaming about kidnaping me xd. I think I was 7 y.o) before I even think about nylons in sexy way. I loved to steal those from my mom because it wathem when no one's looked. But after my ass being wooped I understand that this is wrong. Since then I tried to live " normal "life as a boy, till teenage In 90'/00 Poland wasn't so tolerant and peaceful country like today. It was post Soviet country. Where agression and drinking problems was normal thing. And if you don't look like everyone sad and grey you could get ass whooping on the street. But then Intermet comes and I found first transsexual model picture in my life I started to have some hope. I had " normal" well acted life I was flirting and dating with girl's. But when I saw some gate to be myself I registered on some gay sites I uploaded pics but this is small Poland Town and back then trans wasn't so popular you was a freak even for gay guys. I was living this double life in scared that someone will notice it till 21 when my brother somehow find out who am I and came drunken to house and I was listening that he tell our neighbors that I'm a fucking tag. So I knew that my life in this place get ended. I moved to my girlfriend at this moment I cuted family bonds after this situation ( because if your brother can do this to you, you can't believe no one) and try to live" normal hetero Polish life" with my girlfriend. But after 10 years fighting with my inner self I just wanted to stop acting my own life. So we break up, after this I start living alone but in the same city. I buyed many clothes and makeup and everything. And I started to feel free, but in the same time lonely and addicted to drugs and alcohol I get depressed, after hearing one time from the street that here lives this transvestite I started to fear changing up in my own house. Ive get paranoic, more and more. Till suicide attempt. After it I knew that I need to change everything. My first choice was other European country , but co worker cheated on me, and I need to move somewhere in Rush, and I ended up here in Vienna living with my mother with no money, and no plans, no nothing. And After working and living here half year I think that i want to encourage myself to do some more first steps in my transformation. I'm sorry if it's too long but I needed to tell this somebody.In diesem Forum dürfen leider nur registrierte Teilnehmer schreiben.